Numb
by Ivy-7208
Summary: Songfic to Numb by Linkin Park


_**A/N: **Song for this fic is Numb by Linkin Park (.com/watch?v=fcs7fMmhRms)_

_**Disclaimer: **Yay! I remembered this time! I sadly don't own Starship or any of the characters. Junior and anyone else who shows up in this fic belong to Team StarKid._

* * *

_I'm tired of being what you want me to be  
Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface  
_  
Another lecture.

Something else Junior had done wrong.

Again he had failed at being the son his father thought he should be. He didn't know why he should feel so bad for slipping up, it wasn't his fault he was expected to be someone he was not.

_Don't know what you're expecting of me  
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes  
_  
It wasn't just his Dad, either, although he was the prime culprit.

The entire Galactic League expected him to be a great man, just like his father and grandfather had been.

'Upholding the family name' and all that.

_(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)  
Every step that I take is another mistake to you  
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)  
_  
Junior did his best. He really did. But he still managed to screw up at every turning.

If there was a secret to be given away or a mission to botch you could bet your last Space Buck Junior would be caught and yelled at for it.  
_  
[Chorus:]  
I've become so numb, I can't feel you there  
Become so tired, so much more aware  
I'm becoming this, all I want to do  
Is be more like me and be less like you_

Junior stood almost to attention as his father kept ranting. He had to exercise great self control to refrain from yawning in his face. It was the same lecture he had received at least once a week since the age of ten.

It used to scare him shitless but not anymore.

It was like he was immune to it.

Like his brain had gone numb.

_Can't you see that you're smothering me,  
Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control?  
_  
Still staring straight ahead as his father raged Junior caught about every third sentence.

'Have to be working with me' and 'for your own good' bounced around his head.

His dad thought he was acting for the best. Unaware that his actions were practically crushing his son under responsibility and expectation.

_'Cause everything that you thought I would be  
Has fallen apart right in front of you.  
_  
'Not the son I thought you were'.

Junior knew that this was the end of the rant.

Ears ringing with the combined insults and criticisms he still heard himself talk back for the first time in seven years.

_(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)  
Every step that I take is another mistake to you.  
_  
As soon as the words left his mouth he wanted them back.

The look on his fathers face was enough for him to know that he had just made another mistake.

_(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)  
And every second I waste is more than I can take.  
_  
'Well you're not exactly the galaxy's most perfect father.'

Junior turned and marched from the room before his dad had had time to react.

_[Chorus:]  
I've become so numb, I can't feel you there,  
Become so tired, so much more aware  
I'm becoming this, all I want to do  
Is be more like me and be less like you.  
_  
He was in for it this time.

He knew he should be terrified, his father was already in a rage. Now he had pissed him off even more.

All he felt was tired.

Tired of playing the game his dad expected him to be an expert at. Every time he broke the rules his dad would yell at him and he would back down.

Not this time.

He felt like everything was thrown into a sharper focus as his name was bellowed from behind the door he had just slammed. He wasn't hanging around here much longer.

He grabbed a jacket and stormed out the front door, taking extra care to slam that too.

_And I know  
I may end up failing too.  
But I know  
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you.  
_  
Junior walked at random through the gathering dusk, it was mid-autumn and he tugged his jacket closer to him as he went. He had no idea where he hoped to go, there was little more than a concrete jungle for miles in every direction, but the action of walking and actually doing something was enough.

It gave him time to think.

He knew his father loved him, or at least liked him.

Really deep down.

This was just the sort of man he had been raised to be. It was the way his own father had treated him. Junior could tell every time his grandfather visited.

The house was spotless, the people in the house were spotless, his father yelled more. When grandpa spoke above a whisper his father would flinch. If anything was criticised it was put right before you could blink.

In his fathers eyes he could see his own desperation to do something right reflected back at him.

_[Chorus:]  
I've become so numb, I can't feel you there,  
Become so tired, so much more aware.  
I'm becoming this, all I want to do  
Is be more like me and be less like you.  
_  
This train of thought was one Junior had taken many times before. As always he was both saddened and repulsed by the thought.

He felt sorry for his father because he knew what it was like. He wondered if his grandpas father was the same.

Junior was disgusted that his own father would subject him to the same treatment if he knew what it was like. But the strongest thing he felt was fear.

He was afraid he would turn into them too.

His biggest fear was that he would make his own future sons feel like this.

_[Chorus:]  
I've become so numb, I can't feel you there.  
(I'm tired of being what you want me to be)  
I've become so numb, I can't feel you there.  
_  
Junior slumped on a bench beneath one of the very few trees left in the city and began shredding a leaf that landed beside him.

Dusk faded into true night and Junior knew he should head back.

This was a peaceful part of the city but even so he had heard some pretty bad story's at the Rangers Christmas party. Even so he just couldn't bring himself to get up and move.

He was curled up on the very same bench when Doctor Space-Claw found him the next morning.

_(I'm tired of being what you want me to be)_

* * *

_**A/N:** Editing this I realised that this would be a good song for Draco Malfoy. Might write that at some point but if anyone else wants a go send me a link, yeah?  
_


End file.
